Tuesday, April 8, 2008

No Complaints – Day 2

So I had a less-than-great afternoon at work. I was in a meeting and an idea I had proposed was deemed insignificant and not worth going forward with. The person making the comment wasn’t rude about it, but it hurt. I was just about to demonize the guy in my mind. I had adjectives such as “condescending” and “belittling” on hot stand-by when I remembered my vow to go one week without complaining, either out loud or in my mind.

So instead I limited myself to simply stating how I felt, “not good” and “like it wasn’t worth trying,” “discouraged,” and “embarrassed.” I realized that this is the sort of switch that therapists and social workers recommend we make during verbal arguments. It’s recommended that instead of stating, “You humiliated me,” that you would say, “I was embarrassed.” I have never heard any psychologist suggest that you stay away from, “you humiliated me,” in your own mind. But really, why not? I mean isn’t the way we phrase thoughts to ourselves just as important. Sure the other person can’t hear those thoughts, so they don’t get defensive. BUT.... what about us? By stating those negative feelings as a complaint and blaming the other person involved, don’t we confuse the real issue?

After this reflection, I took a walk in the beautiful spring air, then packed up to head home. On the ride I listened some more to The Millionaire Mindset. Ol’ Harv was talking about how to grow and become more successful, one MUST go outside your comfort zone. Going outside your comfort zone means being Uncomfortable. But we should remember
1) no one ever died from being uncomfortable and
2) if we are uncomfortable, this means we ARE pushing ourselves and we should pat ourselves on the back.

Well, yippee, I felt like crap today. Congratulations, Diana! Way to move outside one’s comfort zone. Of course I did it somewhat unintentionally as I did not expect this reaction I guess to truly move beyond my comfort zone, I would have to make a counter proposal to the same guy who dismissed my first idea. I’ll consider it.

1 comment:

Ready Maid said...

Congratulations on doing some great mental work. I agree with you that it IS important - perhaps more so - how you talk to yourself. We're often accustomed to talking to ourselves in ways we would never consider speaking to other important people in our lives.

And for what it's worth: Get over what's his name's opinion. When it's all said and done, a day's work is a day's work. Nurture yourself and come up with another fabulous idea.